Therapy for Parents - what is it really?

Parenting is one of the most demanding, identity-shifting, emotionally-loaded experiences a human can have. This can feel even more overwhelming when we are parenting kids with added needs (neurodivergence, trauma, adoption, foster care, divorce… you name it). .

We know the cultural narrative: parenting is supposed to be joyful, fulfilling, and instinctual. But what happens when it's also lonely, confusing, and filled with moments where you don't recognize yourself?

That’s where therapy for parents comes in.

Not Just About Your Kids

When parents come to therapy, the first thing they often say is something like, “I don’t know if I need this — my kid is the one struggling.”

We get it. Most of us were raised in systems that taught us to put ourselves last. But the truth is: you matter. Not just as a caregiver, but as a person. Your emotional world, your past experiences, your relationships — they all show up in parenting, whether you realize it or not.

Therapy for parents isn’t about learning how to “fix” your child or become a “perfect” parent. It’s about getting curious — about your triggers, your values, your hopes, and the parts of you that show up under stress.

It’s a Space for You

Therapy gives you space to unpack the invisible labor, the emotional weight, the identity shifts that come with parenting. Maybe you’re navigating:

• The grief of having a different parenting journey than your friends

• The loss of who you were before kids

• Guilt or shame when you don’t respond the way you want to

• The pressure to do everything “right”

• Generational patterns you're trying to break

• Co-parenting tension or disconnection

• The deep grief of watching your child struggle

Whatever it is, we believe you deserve support — not because you’re doing anything wrong, but because you’re doing something incredibly hard.

Parenting Through an Attachment Lens

At With Connection, we work from the belief that relationships heal. That includes your relationship with your child — but also with yourself.

We use attachment-based, somatic, and emotionally-focused approaches to help you:

• Understand your own emotional responses

• Make sense of how your past may be showing up in the present

• Build more connection and repair with your children

• Reclaim your own sense of self in the process

We’re not here to hand out one-size-fits all parenting advice or judgment. We’re here to sit with the complexity of your experience, and walk with you as you create more spaciousness, intention, and compassion in your parenting journey.

You’re Allowed to Take Up Space

Parenting doesn’t come with a pause button. But therapy can be a place to exhale — to say the things you can’t say out loud, to cry without having to hold it together, to be seen not just as a parent, but as a person who’s doing their best.

If you’re curious about what therapy for parents could look like for you, we’re here. With gentleness, with curiosity, and with connection.

Trauma Is Stored in the Body: What Our Children’s Behavior Is Asking of Us

As therapists, adoptive parents, and for Helene, as an adoptee, this is something we return to again and again, both in our work and in our own homes:

Trauma is stored in the body.

We don’t just know this because of research (though neuroscience and trauma studies strongly support it).
We know it because we’ve lived it.

We’ve sat on the floor with children whose reactions didn’t match what we expected of the moment.
We’ve felt the tightness in our own chests when behaviors caught us off guard.
We’ve asked ourselves, Why is this so hard? and What am I missing?

When Behavior Doesn’t Make Sense… Until It Does

What trauma research and neuroscience have allowed us to understand is this:

Children’s behavior is not random. It is communication.

When a child’s nervous system has learned that the world can be unsafe—whether through adoption, early loss, prenatal stress, medical trauma, or other forms of adversity—their body may react long before their thinking brain has a say.

Their behavior is telling us what their body is experiencing.

Adoption, Trauma, and the Body

In adoption, this is especially important to name.

Even in the most loving, intentional adoptive families, adoption begins with loss. And loss lives in the body. It’s an especially complex loss within a family, because often as adoptive parents, our greatest joy comes from our child’s deepest loss. This can be a heavy place to sit.

The Impact

We’ve seen how early experiences can show up later in ways that don’t always look like what people expect trauma to look like.

Sometimes it looks like:

• Hypervigilance or control

• Big emotions over “small” things

• Difficulty with transitions

• Resistance to help or closeness

• A child who seems “fine” but is holding everything inside

These aren’t signs of failure—by the child or the parent.
They’re signs of a nervous system doing its best to stay safe.

Moving from Control to Curiosity

When behaviors are intense, our instinct (and often the advice we receive) is to try to fix or control them. But we know that behavior change without nervous system support doesn’t last.

Instead, we practice shifting our mindset from:

How do I stop this?
to
What is my child’s body telling me right now?

This doesn’t mean there are no boundaries. It doesn’t mean anything goes.
It means we lead with curiosity, connection, and regulation before correction.

When we slow down and wonder about what’s underneath the behavior, we create space for healing—not just compliance.

Helping Our Children Feel Different

At With Connection, we often say that the goal isn’t simply to help children behave differently.

It’s to help them feel different.

To feel:

• Safer in their bodies

• More settled in relationships

• Less alone with big sensations and emotions

When children feel more regulated and understood, behavior naturally shifts. Not because they’re trying harder—but because their nervous system doesn’t have to work so hard anymore.

And truly, this is what we want for all kids!
Not perfection. Not obedience. But a felt sense of safety, belonging, and connection.

Trauma-Informed Therapy for Children and Families in Portland, Oregon

We created With Connection because we wanted a place where families could feel deeply seen and supported.

Our work is grounded in:

• Trauma-informed and attachment-focused therapy

• Nervous-system-based approaches

• Lived experience as adoptive parents

• Honoring adoptee voices and experiences

If you’re a parent or caregiver in the Portland area feeling overwhelmed by big behaviors or wondering how to support your child more compassionately, you’re not alone. And you’re not doing it wrong.

We’d be honored to walk alongside you.

Finding A Child Therapist In Portland Oregon

Find a Child Therapist in Portland, Oregon: Nurturing Emotional Well-Being with Connection

As parents, we want our children to grow up emotionally resilient, confident, and capable of managing the ups and downs of life. Sometimes, children need extra help to navigate these challenges.

At With Connection we believe in the power of therapy rooted in compassion, emotional connection, and the importance of building secure relationships. Whether your child is struggling with anxiety, behavioral issues, or family transitions, finding the right child therapist can make a significant difference in their emotional well-being.

We offer a variety of therapies, each tailored to meet the needs of your child. Some of the approaches we use include:

• Theraplay: An engaging, play-based therapy that focuses on building positive attachment between children and their caregivers. This approach helps children develop trust, emotional regulation, and social skills.

• Attachment-Based Family Therapy (ABFT): This therapy strengthens the parent-child bond and works through emotional conflicts to improve family dynamics and communication.

• DIR/Floortime: A developmental approach that helps children with emotional or developmental trajectories that differ from what is predicted engage with the world around them by meeting them at their developmental level and fostering positive relationships through play.

These therapeutic approaches are designed to create a nurturing environment where your child can thrive emotionally and socially.

If you’re unsure if we are the right fit, but would like more information or help finding a therapist that fits your needs - please reach out- we’re always happy to offer referrals to our trusted colleagues!